You will never forget your first true love. How could you? They were the first person that you felt such intense feelings for that being apart from them was like missing a part of yourself. Whether you felt that as a young person or someone at college, the subsequent breakup with your first love can rip you apart inside. However, that does not mean you should get back together with them, and we’re going to tell you why!
Reasons We Could Not Forget Our First Love
Before we get into the reason that you should avoid getting back together with your first love, it is important to look at the reasons you will never forget them. These ideas are not here to inspire fondness for your former flame; they are here to show you why we can fall into the trappings of wanting to get back with your partner at all!
- Initial romantic and sensual experience.
Realistically, so many people have a fondness for their partner and a desire to be back with them because they had their first romantic and intimate experiences with them. There is something to be said about getting together with someone for the first time in your life. Their kisses and the connection you felt made your brain light up with joy and desire. Those memories alone could be a powerful reason for you to feel as though you want to get back with your romantic partner.
- We remember our feelings and emotions, not actual events.
Another potent reason that we do not forget our first love is the way that memory works. When you look into the past, you tend to remember the feelings and emotions you felt during that time instead of remembering the actual events. That means you will have a fond memory of a time with someone because of what you felt and not what was happening. In other words, you will be looking at the past through rose-colored glasses where you will not see the faults of the relationship. You will only see and feel the good parts. As they say, when you look to the past with rose-colored glasses, all the red flags look like regular flags. That can make you think the past was a lot better than it was.
- Incomplete nature of the first relationship.
Most people end their first relationship in a rather poor manner. Young people tend to lack the levelheadedness to end a relationship in a responsible way. That feeling of incompletion can make it feel as though you could get back with your partner because you did not “break up” in a manner that reconciles with your notions of breaking up as a grown adult. Furthermore, you might not have done some things in the relationship from a romantic standpoint that could have altered the relationship for the better. You will want to be with that first partner again to get more satisfaction from the connection.
These powerful feelings can override your good reasoning and send you back to someone that you broke up with long ago. That is not the best move to make, though.
Reasons You Shouldn’t Get Back Together
Realistically, the list of reasons that you should not get back with an ex should be a lot longer than the one we have posted here. You will find the most important reasons to avoid getting back with a former flame here, though. Keep these ideas in mind when you are thinking about picking up the phone to text your old partner.
- Second attempt but same problems.
You must remember that you and your former partner broke up for a reason. The relationship did not just fall apart for nothing. Now, some of those reasons are going to be better than others. Perhaps you had to move across the country to go to college, and your partner could not come with you, so you broke it off. Well, that could be a reason to get back together. If you broke up with your partner as a result of real relationship problems like immaturity, unwillingness to grow together, or a desire to be with other people, then you should consider the relationship way beyond saving. Your second attempt will likely yield the same problems unless you have grown significantly as a person.
- Dwelling in the past may deprive you of the present.
Another problem that some people run into when they try to reignite old relationships is that they are dwelling in the past. When you go back to the person you just broke up with, knowing that neither of you has changed, you are merely keeping yourself from growth. You get back together because it feels safe and familiar. Realistically, the relationship will probably fall apart again, and you will have deprived yourself of meeting new people and becoming a better person.
- Let bygones be bygones.
Sometimes, you need to let the bygones be bygones. People get back together with their former partners for a lot of reasons, and one of them is to give the relationship a more definitive ending. That means they are getting back together to seek closure from someone while knowing full-well that the relationship is built on a foundation of quicksand. You have to let go of the past anger and feelings of rejection to move on with your life.
Re-treading old ground can help you find the sense of closure that you desire. Moreover, it can feel good to be with someone that you already know. Realistically, it’s not going to help you, though. Your life will be better if you seek out other people.
Finding a new partner is much better than going back to an old one. You can use the new relationship as a way to test out what you have learned from the past without going back to a person that you broke up with for a good reason. You will feel tempted to go back to someone you used to love, and it might feel right for a little while. However, most couples or marriages that have failed once usually fail again.